surprises with baby no. 2

One of the biggest surprises when A. and I came home with baby no. 2 was how all of sudden my first baby seemed HUGE. Like, holy crap, my 27-month-old grew into a Godzilla-sized toddler over night. And he was no longer my baby. I don’t say that in a sad way — though I could see how hormones could make moms grieve this shift in relationship with their first baby — but rather in an awed way.

The other surprise is how I feel fine, this time, staying home all day every day. I’m no longer living in a poorly-lit two-bedroom dungeon in D.C. Our house in the desert is full of light, and the California sun and blue skies allow me breathe. Also, there is truly nowhere to go. And I’m OK with accomplishing what feels like nothing: no crocheting, no trying new recipes, no writing. I’ve let go of some of my over-achiever tendencies that gnaw at me.

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With CM, I walked everywhere — up to my favorite coffee shop, through the photo exhibits at National Geographic, to brunch spots with friends. And I was beyond exhausted.

Now I’m literally sitting in the rocker in my bedroom, or on a lawn chair in our backyard, nursing and cuddling CP, his full lips puckered against my chest. I watch him smile in his sleep, or squeak those adorable piglet squeaks. And instead of feeling stifled and penned in and emotional, I feel joyous.

I have this bad habit of looking ahead when I’m excited or inspired or filled with love. When I arrived in Peru solo for a trek to Machu Picchu — one of my best vacations — I went on a hike and looked out at the city of Cusco and found myself thinking about where I could travel next. And so it is, now, as I snuggle CP, my mind is wandering to baby no. 3 — something I never thought I’d desire.

photo 1

photo 2

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4 Comments

Filed under baby, Uncategorized

4 responses to “surprises with baby no. 2

  1. Wow. Your big boy looks so big and yet, having an 8 year old, it’s so crazy to me to see two babies (!) and almost, ALMOST makes me want another one. The rhythm of your days sounds ideal and dreamy (though I know motherhood is rarely dreamy and ideal, but it does sound beautiful, which is different).

  2. Right? I’m sure your boy still feels like a baby, and yet. I also recognize that I am in the dreamy stage (he’s not even a month old and we have help through March) — I wonder how I’ll feel when CP is six months or a year old and i have two crying or whining kids. We’ll see. I miss your lovely blog/words!

  3. Oh, how I love you! Love, love, love that you are so open and share your thoughts, pics, and snip its into your life with us. 🙂 So beautiful.

    Thanks for your message a couple of weeks ago. Hanging in there!!! Just over 5 weeks to go. 🙂

    Love your post my dear friend and love that you’re treasuring the moments. Big hugs!

  4. Sarah

    The picture of CM kissing CP is beautiful!! Enjoy the quiet, and nice weather while you can! =)

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