on not wishing time away

One thing I learned when my boss and friend John died was to never wish time away. You never know what will happen tomorrow, so it’s important to appreciate not only your own health and happiness, but also the health and happiness of those you love. And the time you have together.

In this last month waiting for A.’s return, it’s been a struggle for me to keep this perspective. Everyone asks me when he’s coming home, and I smile and I give the day count. “Eight days!” I said today and grinned a toothy smile. “I’m soooo excited!” And god, am I ever. Tonight, I looked at my e-calendar and I thought, “Whew, one more week from tomorrow morning.”

But even though I’ve missed him terribly, and I laugh more — a lot, lot more — when he’s by my side, I am happy and independent and I’ve cherished the extra time I’ve had with friends in the last six months and, just as importantly, myself. This was our time to be apart — and hopefully we won’t do this again (but if we do, I know I’ll — and we’ll — survive). But even though it was hard, we chose it. It was an experience A. really wanted, and I respect and admire that. I think it’s important to push beyond our comfort zones — to challenge ourselves and even our relationship. And we’re so much stronger for it.

Tonight, I had dinner with a few girlfriends at the new taco place El Centro DF on 14th St. Tomorrow, I have dinner plans with another dear friend who lives in Virginia with her husband and two young children. Thursday, I’m going to the Terry Gross show at the Lincoln Theater with coworkers and Friday, I’m meeting my old roommate at jazz in the sculpture garden. And I’m so excited about it all. My goal for the next week is to appreciate each moment and try not think too much about a week from now. It will be here before I know it. And I won’t have wished valuable time away with my dear, wonderful friends.

(Oh, by the way, since I started writing this post — it’s a half hour closer to when I get to see A.)

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