the ‘l’ word

A week ago, A. dropped me off at work and as I was getting out of the car, I said, without thinking, “OK, bye, I love you!” I hadn’t used the “l” word yet, though I had thought about using it several times — and imagined feeling very emotional when I finally told him. Instead, it slipped out and I felt panicked — like I should get out of the car and run, run fast and not look back. (I’m very slow with that language). A. later told me I flinched. But he grabbed my face, kissed me deeply and said, “You are so cute. I love you, too.” Relief washed over me and adrenaline pumped through me for the next hour. Sometimes — most times — things don’t happen as you imagine.

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